There are things that you don’t want to continue, but which you are afraid to end.

(Source: randooomed)

If you want to write well, you have to get your heart broken by the person whom you entrusted your heart with. Be sad, drown yourself in sadness and loneliness. Watch yourself die and wither like a flower inside. Love someone who doesn’t love you back. Break your soul into million pieces. When you’ve done that, writing will patch you whole again. It would be the glue to your wrecked and broken self. It would be the light to your darkness. The one who’ll save you from drowning. The only thing that would keep you going in your shattered life. After that, after you’ve done all those stupid things, you’d write well.

(Source: sinteya)

Stepping Back

Hopefully, this will be the last time that I say goodbye and really mean it. I bid my farewell because I cannot bear the pain, jealousy and paranoia anymore. I like him; too much that I could not bear the thought of him being with someone else. And it kills me to know that she gets to have his time and I don’t. It beats the crap out of me that she gets to be hugged and kissed, while all I can do is read his texts all over, imagining those kisses made out of letters were real. And it feels like shit. I deserve more than this; so much more.

I was willing to give it all, forsake everyone, if it meant having him in my life. But he was not willing to do it for me. He likes me a lot but it was not enough for him to leave everything to start anew with me. And despite everything, I could not feel any negative feelings for him. I could not despise him. I could not “not like” him.

And if only giving up were not an option, I’d still go through everything over and over again. I do not want to cheapen everything by labeling what I feel for him. This maybe more intense than like and I admit I’m scared to go to the next level; the L word. Anyway, I guess it is all over and every word that I could not say to him would all be non sense right now. But if one day, fate permits that he gets to read this, I just want to say a few words.

Sweetie, for a short moment in time, you made me happy in ways I could not even imagine. I felt things I never thought I would feel and for that I am really grateful. I may not be sure of many things with you but this I am certain; everything I felt, could not be any more real. I do wish you happiness, though it maybe bittersweet for me. I will miss you sweetie; everyday. It will take a lot of courage to walk away and strength to accept that what we used to have we do not have it anymore. I wish we met at the right time and in the right circumstances but until that time comes, I’ll always be here waiting and feeling you in my heart in silence.

Bad Day Today. Tomorrow is Another Day.